March 3, 2013
Concrete Umbrella

The game ended soon after and the dome slowly emptied. Men in dark blue jump-suits with wide yellow brooms began running as fast as they could down the aisles, sweeping away the cups, shells, bags, boxes, and scorecards in their path. In the nose-bleeds, the guy who’d been carrying around the sodas finally sat down and had one for himself. My mom came down the stairs after a few minutes, holding tight to the railing, watching her feet as they moved.

“You ready,” she said, looking like she just woke up.

“Did you see his catch?” my dad asked.

I held my glove open to show her the ball.

“You caught a homerun ball?”

She bent forward to look closely at the ball.

“A foul ball,” I said.

She leaned back away and shrugged.

“Oh. Just the same. You can just tell everyone it was a homerun. That sounds much -better. You can bring it to school. For show-and-tell in the fall. You show everyone the ball and tell them it was a homerun. We’ll keep it on the shelf. Write ‘Calvin’s Homerun Ball’ on it.”

“But it wasn’t a homerun,” I said, “it was a foul ball.”

And I didn’t want to bring it to school, everybody would want to touch it and they would ruin it. And I didn’t want to tell people it was a homerun ball, because there wasn’t even a homerun in the game. It was a foul ball. And I didn’t want her to write on it, she didn’t even see me catch it. That would ruin it too. I didn’t want the ball to show it off, I wanted it to remember the game. My dad pulled me up the stairs to go home. Mom trailed behind, holding tight to the railing, watching her feet as they moved.

February 24, 2013
Witness Report

Devore: Ok. Well, I don’t have any other questions unless you have something you’d like to add that maybe I forgot to ask.

M: Hm. Yeah. Ok.

Devore: Well-

M: I caught a fish that day.

Devore: You–

M: Well you know, before– when the day was still up and the sun jumped off the ripples. I’d just got a new rod with electric yellow line I could shoot well over forty yards cross stream to the drowned stump, shaded by an overhang of blackberry creepers. I wasn’t really even paying attention. Kind of floating off in space. Then a tail splashed against the surface downstream somewhere and I jerked the rod backward as hard as I could; you know, instinctively.

Devore: Did-

M: I hooked a little bow in the bottom lip. Real small, four or five inches small. Maybe even got him in the gill. I don’t know. But I yanked him so hard, he shot full-speed out of the water right at my head. First fish of the season, on an October caddis. Wasn’t even the right fly, just the last one I had in the box. He shot out of the water right at my eyes and he’d have blown clear through my head if he hadn’t whipped his tail just hard enough to veer an inch past my left ear. I swear he was so close I could have counted his spots, etched his fins in stone.

Devore: Alright.

M: Whipped him too hard though - line snapped and I heard him plop into the river behind me. Ran away with my last damn fly.

Devore: Is that important?

M: I guess– no, it’s not. Maybe that was a different time.

Devore: Yes, well why don’t I get your address if we need to contact you by mail.

M: Alright. Great. Thanks.

February 24, 2013
McMenamy’s Daughter

If I had to make a personal confession; I believe my current condition shows through the color of my teeth. Like skies threatening foul weather, my teeth develop hues. You can tell the minute that crisp glean fades that my state is slipping. The color fades slowly, of course – sometimes glacially, nothing drastic. But the moment it becomes noticeable, even to those with lesser standards, that road ends and the course changes acutely. 

I told this to McMenamy’s daughter once, in a bar so small you could smell the bartender’s shoes sitting in the far corner of the room. She was tapping a quarter against the table-leg. “Marilyn,” I leaned in, “Marilyn I’m not saying it’s a scientific fact. But,” pulling my lips into a big grin to give her a look, “what would you guess my state of well-being to be right now.”

She stopped tapping and her foot started to rattle in her shoe. “How’m I supposed to know if your teeth are white?” she said, pocketing the quarter. She then wrapped her hands around her drinking glass and added, “Who’m I to know the hues of your teeth?” I decided, at that point, to drop it. We weren’t getting anywhere and I’d promised myself I’d get home early that night. 

November 30, 2012

August 5, 2012
Chasing Sasquatch

In bed that night, before falling asleep, Jack hears the squirrel in the attic again; tramping around in circles, bouncing on the insulation. Jack stares at the ceiling, waiting for it to leave, but realizes it cannot. He’d screwed the eaves cover over the squirrel’s only exit and it’s trapped in the attic. It runs and runs around and around until Jack enters a dream - young and energetic, breathing free in the old wilderness where the rains drown anything that doesn’t grow tall and thick. Walking along not immediately knowing what to look for; then searching for the Sasquatch. Photos had shown the creature furry and large jumping root through fern across slanted hills. There; movement through the heavy air, then running fast after the invented Sasquatch. The chase carries on for hours and hours. The sun falls quick out of view and at once no longer chasing anything at all. Now, following bushwhacked trails toward an envisaged home and stumbling upon a shack that must have grown right out of a rotten tree-trunk. Before stepping in, looking out to see any sign of the Sasquatch jumping unencumbered through the backcountry. Jack wonders what he would have done if he had caught up to the Sasquatch. The Sasquatch would have been too large to hold or to trap, he knows. He couldn’t possibly make it stay put. If it was possible to be close enough to stand in its shadow, to smell its twig-ridden fur, he would only pluck a hair from its arm. He’d bring the plucked hair home in an envelope to save until the day someone asked if he’d ever run into the Sasquatch tramping through those trees all those years ago. But, he knows no one would ask that sort of ridiculous question; the envelope would lie under a fine layer of dust in a dresser-drawer somewhere.

Later in the night, there is a small commotion in the attic. Toby has gotten back into the house and is now stuck with the squirrel. The animals roll around and around and bump through the boxes. One box topples and Marie wakes with a start. Without looking at the clock, she rubs her eyes and stumbles into the bathroom. Water splashes and her music plays as loud as the speaker allows. The two animals continue to tussle in the attic - boxes drop and fall and spill onto the floor. Picture-frames crash onto the hardwood, the seams of old blankets rip, and a tall metal coat-hanger is felled with a big thud. Jack puts his face into his pillow, hoping one of the screws is loose and the animals can go on back to the wilderness. But he remembers the force with which he drove the phillips-head into the wood, having turned each screw by hand. The ocean could swell up tomorrow, swallow the house whole, and while tearing it apart in a brackish swirl, the eaves cover would still be attached. Feeling that sudden need for fresh air, Jack crawls out of bed. He reaches out the window toward the squirrel’s previous home and a breeze wraps his fore-arms. The breeze has sewn together the fence with the trees and the hillside and the hillside with the beach and on the beach the logs and rocks and shells with the saltwater and receding tide and all that with the cold sky.

August 5, 2012
The Man Behind the White Curtain

Today is Saturday. I wake up in my chair and walk to the sink, splashing cold water on my face, my head hurting terribly. So I swallow a handful of pills, and a couple more. The cricket is chirping incessantly. I float over to the window. The rope lays slack, but the pigeon who stands on the rope has multiplied and there are twelve more of him. I look across the way. The woman is writhing in white underwear, crying on her floor, and my head is falling apart. I take another few pills. She looks at me through stained eyes and pleads. She rolls around on the floor. Her hands seep through her hair, and she digs wildly into her scalp. The rope begins to tighten. The pigeons stay put on the rope in the daylight, not able to turn away, watching her thrash. She covers her face and snaps her head back, tears spraying through the cracks between her fingers, and the liquid is filling the room. She will soon drown if the window isn’t opened, I suppose. She reaches at me, palms pressed to the window, fingernails leaving claw marks on the glass, and my head burns, and the cricket on the ledge is chirping incessantly, and she is yelping now, the briny water to her shins, but I step away from the window to contemplate, and the curtain closes completely. My room is midnight and I can’t see a thing. The lights inside are burnt out and the doors are no longer. With the curtain closed nothing here moves or breathes. But the sound breaks through the wall, and I grab at another pill, but the pill retreats and howls ‘Save her, you fool!’  I scramble back to the window to see her pale naked body lifted up, and the rope snaps taut, and she cries still louder, the water to her neck, so I grab at the sill of the window, throwing my right foot out first, to save her, but the window is shrinking, and the cricket is chirping incessantly, and she is floating, and my head is pounding, and the rope is becoming so tight that the roofs of the two buildings are being pulled together. The pigeons on the rope screech at me, pulling the rope still tighter, flapping their wings in exasperation, and I heave my other foot through the opening, both feet melting into the sunlight, then my shins, then my knees, then my thighs, then my groin, then my abdomen, then stretching my spine, I find a foothold on the ledge, and the cricket jumps off. My toenails chip as they dig in the old brick, and the rope is beginning to fray, coming loose at both ends, and she is floating, lips pressed to the ceiling, starving for air, sucking at the paint, and my head cracks as I reach my foot over the rope. But when I take my first step, the rope snaps. And she drowns. 

July 27, 2012

June 28, 2012
"It seemed to me very simple and evident that we must live to be happy, and a great deal of happiness seemed lying before me in the future."

— Leo Tolstoy (from Family Happiness)

June 22, 2012
cabinporn:

‘Black Lodge’ designed by Jagnefalt Milton in Furillen, Sweden.

cabinporn:

‘Black Lodge’ designed by Jagnefalt Milton in Furillen, Sweden.

June 15, 2012

(Source: Spotify)

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